I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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