My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
