Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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