I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
home. puking in laundry basket.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
