that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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