On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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