It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize