i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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