We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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