Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
