There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
