Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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