I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
