ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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