My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
