I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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