Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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