I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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