She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize