shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
