Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
