I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize