i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
