So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
someone threw a dead crab at me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
