Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize