I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
