My Higher Power is John Stamos
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
