Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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