Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
