girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
