I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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