Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
