Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
