Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
