just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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