You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
