i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
