Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
