I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
