from now on my penis is your penis
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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