his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
