dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize