Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
