I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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