Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
