that's an acceptable place to lick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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