I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
