she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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