I am in a vortex of obligation.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
