where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
