I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
