im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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