Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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