bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
