why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
