My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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