You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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