My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
