five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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