The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
