Christians are straight up FREAKS
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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