I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This beer is not sobering me up at all
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Boobs speak an international language.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
