I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
