my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
