It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
