I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
