Tell her she can't have a vagina
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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