the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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